Excess Baggage

I met with my surgeon the end of August, prior to a European vacation I had planned for September. I knew I was headed for surgery, but when the surgeon actually discussed it with me, and I had a date set in October, it became reality. From that moment, and over the next week or so, I was on an emotional roller coaster. I was snappy, cried at times, and even looked pissed off. This was not me at all. I tried to go with the flow and observe these emotions so I might understand them better, but I seemed to be getting angrier about the whole thing.

When I finally realized how angry I was, I wondered if I was actually dealing with some sort of grief stage. About this same time, I shared my feelings with my dear friend Lisa. She mentioned I might still have some issues surfacing from the difficult surgery twenty years ago. That was it! It was one of those why didn’t I think of that moments. I was so stuck in the emotion that I hadn’t quite worked it out yet. I was close with the grieving thing, but Lisa certainly made it clear to me.

"I get it and I feel it. I think your emotions are going to feel tender for a while AND there may be a tendency for some anger to pop up in weird places. This whole process is demanding that you actively "process" all the emotional patterns that are and were caught up with the past surgery, all that led to it and all that's followed. It's SO much!!! You've got this though."

Lisa McDavid

Twenty years ago I had been ill for months. So the whole period prior to that surgery, the surgery itself, the hospital stay, and the recovery was a nightmare of sorts. Even though I knew my overall health was better this time around, and all the stuff you tell yourself, I didn’t realize I had excess baggage surfacing. I knew I needed to take control of what I was feeling and process this as soon as possible. I normally travel light, as in one bag, and didn’t want this excess baggage following me to Europe.

Now, all I needed to do was to get in touch with my younger self of 20 years ago, let her unload and make sure she knows everything will be okay. This was so incredibly simple. Again, why didn’t I think of that? I decided to meditate on the subject and have a conversation with myself. I allowed me of 20 years ago to unleash emotions, cry, and be angry. Ah, that’s where the anger was coming from! I then told her how this was not the same thing as last time because I am in better health physically and mentally, I am knowledgeable about Crohn’s disease, I understand fully what is going on and what I need to do, but most importantly that I’ve got this. While I had been telling myself this all along, my younger self obviously wasn’t listening because she hadn’t had time enough to grieve and unload her feelings years ago. She clearly wanted her say!

Getting on the other side of my emotions was the best thing I could do for me. The heavy veil of anger slowly passed as I continued to process the issues. I then gave my younger self a big hug as the anger melted away and we were once again in sync. I was finally unstuck and it took me less than an hour. Halleluiah! Now I could fully enjoy my travels to Europe without the unwanted baggage, and approach my surgical date with a full sense of strength and peace.

If a holistic and integrative approach to your sense of well-being sounds helpful to you, contact Lisa McDavid, CCHT at the hyperlink noted.

Blue Suitcase photo courtesy of Drew Coffman

Rising to the Top

During the past year, it has been difficult to find continuity and balance within all the changes that keep taking place in my life. Like cream rising to the top, I visualize rising to the top of the new normal, whatever it may be.

My health, or lack thereof at times, is not something I dwell on. While it is part of me at all times, I go about my life and do things for the sake of my health. Eating well and keeping my body in shape are extremely important, and something I take very seriously. But there are times when my body has a mind of its own, even with all my well-intentioned efforts.

It was twenty years ago last month I had my first resection with full abdominal incision. I was quite ill prior to the surgery and it took me months to get on top of all that had happened. While they told me I would have eight to ten years before I would need another surgery, I was surprised when, like clockwork, I began having issues. Fast forward to the last ten years, I’ve been dealing off and on with active Crohn’s disease. With all the new medications, protocols and damn determination on my part, I was able to hold off surgery until now.

In March, after two and a half years on Humira injections with everything calm, I quite suddenly began having problems. An MRI showed something was amiss. This time we were on top of things before my health declined. My doctors were able to do an exploratory laparoscopic resection, a “search and rescue” of sorts, and they only needed to make a few punctures in my abdomen. Although, they did remove my right ascending colon, six inches of small intestine, resected the small intestine to the above transverse colon, and oh, removed my gallbladder that had stones. Most of this involvement centered around one of the areas previously resected, which is quite common. Note, while the Humira has done wonders for the rest of my gut, it does not repair damaged tissue. Not to worry, though, my new hook-up may just do the trick, along with the new medications that keep inflammation down, and my continued determination.

My how times have changed. I was home in five days as opposed to ten last time, and I actually feel pretty good, but I know I need to be extra vigilant and take it easy. A five-pound lifting limit will keep me in line. And anyone who has had abdominal surgery knows, NO VACUUMING allowed. See, there is a bright spot in everything that happens!

I find it interesting when I see my last post on walking. You see, the best thing for abdominal surgery recovery is walking, and I am doing that and then some a number of times a day, rain or shine. Along with the walking therapy, I continue to focus on the positive. As I wake each morning, I visualize cream, rising to the top of a beautiful crystal goblet. This image follows me throughout my day. But, here's my secret, I am the cream rising to the top of my new normal. When I get there, I hope you don't mind if I make a splash!

Cream Drop photo courtesy of Kyle May


I’ve missed sharing all the miscellaneous thoughts, intentions, and musings dancing around in my brain. Join me as I begin my fifth year of blogging. If you enjoy this blog or a particular post, email it to a friend, blog, tweet, share or recommend it. Spread the love, and inspire others. I hope to get back to weekly posts soon.

Go For A Walk

How easy is this? Go for a walk! Really! It does wonders for clearing your monkey mind, dropping a few pounds, unplugging from the chaos, plugging into the great outdoors, bringing focus to what matters, and balancing your thoughts; not to mention, putting a smile on your face. Walking inspires me and it will inspire you. Going for a walk could just be the best thing you can do for you, and it doesn’t have to cost more than a good pair of shoes, or maybe not even that.

On a recent personal journey of Deepak Chopra's, he shares this inspirational thought: After spending time bathing in a stream, begging for their food, shaving their heads and walking barefoot...

Deepak Chopra to Thai monk, “It hurts without shoes.”

Thai monk to Deepak Chopra, “It hurts on the foot
 that’s down, but the one up feels really good so focus on that one.”

Go for a walk! It’s easy, really! Follow me. When you head out that door, you never know where you may end up. Wherever it is, I guarantee it will be a better place than you started from.

• On the Rocks photo courtesy of Marcus Winter

No Curtain Necessary

We abruptly woke to the sounds of an impeding storm working its way up Lake Chelan. Rolling thunder, as I count one Mississippi, two Mississippi, cracks of lightening across the sky, sizzling snaps of light punctuating the darkness, and the soothing sound of drenching rain, mark the dawn of a new day. Thunderous storms delight me, and fill me with awe. When I was a child, I was afraid of this natural phenomenon, but I kept prodding myself to observe. It was one of those things I could not help but watch, even if I was just peaking through the curtains. As the years passed, if there was an electrical storm, I had to stop whatever I was doing, pay attention, and observe the power around me. No curtain necessary.

Years ago, we had a Husky dog by the name of Ivan. Ivan did not understand this stormy weather Mother Nature occurrence at all. He could feel a storm coming long before I did, and would start pacing and whining. If it was the middle of the night, he woke me before the storm did. I would roust myself from my sleep and sit with him⎯arms wrapped tightly around his robust chest. As I opened the curtains to observe the lightshow around us, I soothed him by gently rocking, and softly humming in his ears. Before the thunder rolled, Ivan would tense and allow his fear to take over his entire being.

Our dear Ivan never got used to these storms that rolled through his life from time to time. I wasn’t able to explain to him what was happening, or tell him how to peak through the curtains in order to learn to overcome his fears. Throughout my life, I have constantly forced myself to look, forced myself to peak through the curtains, forced myself to observe, and this has taught me to not let fear take over my entire being. I now allow the storms of my life to roll over me, if not through me. After all, it is what it is, storms happen. I will gladly step out into the storm, if necessary, in order to get through to the other side of it. Because, as I have observed, there is and always will be another side, and there might just be a rainbow.

Top photo Lightening over Adelaide courtesy of Ersu

Bottom photo rainbow with lightening courtesy of thinboyfatter

Glow On

Recently, on a lovely night in North Carolina, I was at a cabin on a private lake with my husband, the caretaker of the cabin, and Carson, his ten-year-old family friend. I came to North Carolina for one thing, and one thing only, observing fireflies; or as they’re called in these parts, lightning bugs.

The only fireflies I have seen in the past were of the cartoon type. You know, the little bug with a light bulb butt. I’m here to tell you, there is no light bulb. But, oh my, do they glow. Fireflies are winged beetles with bioluminescent lower abdomens. Their size can be up to one inch, although the ones in northwestern North Carolina are half that size. They are found in warm, humid areas and are nocturnal. Since I do not live in an area where they would be accustomed to hanging out, I have never seen them. Thus, my mission this summer was to experience these little fairies of the dark. While I would not normally travel during the summer vacation period, it is the only time they are visible. You see, all this glowing is related to mating. Ah, but of course. Mating is taken care of, eggs are laid for the next season, and they die. Sad, but true, as is the fact they are diminishing in numbers due to light pollution and pesticides.

On this night, with Eastern Whippoorwills singing in the background, I was able to view the various green and gold glows of these lovely fairy-like bug-a-boos. Some would flash with a quick pulse, like a match going out. Others kept a steady glow; like shooting stars as they streaked from here to there, and back again, around the grasses, brush, and trees. To my astonishment, Carson quickly caught one as it flashed on, then placed the little bugger in my hands. I briefly cupped my fingers around so we could watch the light show up-close and personal. I hadn’t even thought about trying to catch one, let alone hold it! It was a moment of magic. That was the topper of the trip for me as I proceeded to get my glow-on.

While every North Carolinian I talked to was amazed I would travel across the country just to see lightning bugs. These conversations all sparked similar thoughts, as in: What other things do we have that you don’t? What things do you have that we don’t? And my favorite, I’ve forgotten just how special some things are. On this day, I want you to consider the magic happening around you every day, and night, in your own neck of the woods. Or, perhaps you need to venture beyond. Who knows, maybe you’ll be able to get your glow-on!

Firefly w/glow photo courtesy of Terry Priest