Monday, February 28, 2011

Between a Rock and a Hard Place⎯Dropping Anger

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."
Buddha
I am not an angry person. I don’t like it and I certainly don’t want it bleeding into the corners of my life. I am learning it is best for me to drop anger, like a hot coal, when I sense any part of it. After a recent appointment with my gastroenterologist, I finally learned what has been going on with my gut over the last 8 months. I seem to have more thickening in my small intestine. Crohn's disease has once again been up to its dirty work. Obviously, this is not a good thing and it makes it difficult for food to ease on down the road. Now what? Do I follow through with conventional protocol or do I trust my own instinct? I feel as if I am between the proverbial rock and a hard place on this one.

Later that day, I caught my reflection peering out at me from my bathroom mirror. At the same time, I noticed an overwhelming heat invade my entire body working up from my feet. By the time it reached my head I burst into a flood of tears and yelled at the mirror, “I-am-angry!” I repeated this exclamation a number of times and proceeded to verbally unload my thoughts. It felt like a volcanic eruption had momentarily invaded my body as I cleansed my self of the hot coals of toxic feelings. So just what was I angry about:
  • The failure of the current protocol, and the fact that what I have been currently doing isn't good enough!
  • Possibly having to head down the rabbit hole with Alice and take this pill and that pill not knowing how it would affect me.
  • Being out of control of the situation and not knowing what is best for me.
  • Not having anyone or anything to throw the hot coals at...
By bringing more awareness of my self and my feelings into my life, I am learning⎯answers will come once I create a positive environment for them. By unloading my anger, I became more open to receive the answers that would provide momentum to move forward.

I could have chosen to hold on to the anger, but to what point? The sooner I move from anger, the sooner I can heal and be well⎯and that is exactly what is right for me. I no longer feel as though I am between a rock and a hard place. I now have a new found excitement looking to the path ahead, and yes, I am already on it...

Can you move-on from the anger you may hold inside?

© Copyright 2011 Michelle Clark
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