Should've, Could've, Would've

A few weeks ago I was driving in a city I was unfamiliar with. I had two people riding with me. Ann needed to catch a bus at the city station; Kay needed to attend a meeting at work. All was great; I had turn-by-turn directions to the bus station on my smart phone. We made great time, exited the freeway, made a few turns, then oops⎯no directions on the smart phone. I was on a one-way street in heavy traffic, so I pulled over at the first opportunity and tried to get the last few turns back on the phone. I could not, for the life of me, go back to where I had been on the smart phone screen. I tried to start over and got nowhere, and I tried a GPS (Global Positioning System) application to no avail. In the meantime, I could hear tick-tock, tick-tock in my head⎯what time was that damn bus leaving?

Finally, after much consternation and feeling my blood pressure going through the sunroof, Ann said she would get directions and hopped out of the vehicle. A moment later she returned with the comment, “When you need directions, ask a homeless person.” Off we went, and a few turns later, I was able to drop Ann off at her destination.

Tick-tock, tick-tock. Looking at the clock and feeling a bit more composed, I once again tried the GPS app on the smart phone. I had not used this particular application more than a time or two in the past, and had struggled with it just a few moments prior while I was having my complete technological breakdown. Now, more focused, I had the GPS babe calling out my turns while making my way back onto the freeway through the one-way downtown maze⎯simple, and easy. Oh, and Kay made it to her meeting with a whole minute to spare. Tick-tock.

I was not happy with how I handled this situation at all. I am a normally a more focused and composed person, but as all of us do at one time or another, I lost myself in the moment. Losing one’s self in the moment is great if it is an amazing moment⎯this was not even close to an amazing moment! Not wanting to be in this type of situation EVER again. I mentally reviewed what I should have, could have and possibly would have done differently.

• I should have read through all of the directions before starting out. I could have had a better impression as to what I needed to do and would have more than likely arrived at the destination without pause.
• I always print a hard copy to take with me when I need directions, but was unable to because I did not have an available printer⎯I could have made a few handwritten notes.
• I should have known more about the available technology I hold in my hand. If not, then perhaps I could have done it the old fashioned way and carried a map.

Should have’s, could have’s, would have’s⎯not something I like to reflect on. Ultimately, rather than allowing the negative energy to escalate, I should have taken a time-out  to breathe and focus. I would have been able to think through the problem in a more rational manner. This doesn’t mean I won’t have another technological breakdown somewhere along the way, but at least I will know how to get to where I am going. If not, then I'll take it from Ann and ask a homeless person.

Which way to go photo courtesy of sjsharktank

On Being Vulnerable

My dad is disabled. One could say he is physically challenged. You see, he died 21 years ago this past July. There is not a July that goes by without a flood of thoughts about him flying by in my minds eye. I am fully aware of what July represents to me⎯the loss of one of my very best friends. I don’t dwell on his memory or go around morose on the anniversary of his death or anything like that. But I do find it interesting how many feelings crop up for me.

I think of him off and on throughout the year, but it is July when my loss seeps into so much of my life. We were much more than father and daughter. We were two peas in a pod, somehow an ageless connection. He got me, I got him⎯it was that simple. We shared many ups and downs of life, and it is that particular thing, the sharing, I miss through the ups and downs of my daily life without him.

It is interesting how vulnerable and disabled I am to these feelings as they percolate to the surface from time to time. I still think of him anytime I want to share the good or the bad news, as we always had in the past. As these thoughts surface, I smile to myself or comment to him out loud as I express myself to the universe.

I never know when a story, a song, a word or a glance from some unknown person will set my thoughts of him reeling. Sometimes these thoughts bring an immediate upwelling of tears. Again, I find myself chatting to the universe as I say, “Miss you dad.”

I know he is as much a part of me as he always has been. His little sayings or singsongs come to mind often. I smile to myself as I use them in my everyday chattering. Yes, I may be vulnerable to these feelings after all these years, but these feelings help keep me linked to one of the best friends a girl could have, disability withstanding.

Vulnerability crops up in our lives when we least expect it. This vulnerability can disable us if we allow it. Death gives us a glimpse of mortality and the fragility of life. There is nothing wrong with any of this, but it is up to us to realize it all for what it is, deal with it, somehow cherish it if need be and move on; after all, as my dad would say:

• “It’s enough to make a man drink his own bathwater”
• “Don’t take any wooden nickels”
• “No skin off my teeth”
• “Try and try again”
• “Sometimes a little rain must fall”
• “Onward and upward”
• “Home again, home again jiggity-jog”

I write this in an attempt to deal with the fullness in my heart, which I carried in July of this year, as I celebrate the life of a man worth knowing. I now share my feelings with the electronic universe as I say, “Miss you dad.”

Note: the above dad sayings are phrases we have heard from past written words in rhyme, books and movies. These dad sayings must have meant a great deal to my dad as he used these and many more throughout his lifetime.

Together photo courtesy of Spirit-Fire

October: I Intend to Encourage Others

We can all use a kick in the butt to get us moving in right direction. For whatever reason, at times we get lost and make the wrong choices. Maybe, we just need the proper motivation. This month, my full attention will be on the intention to encourage others⎯be it family, friend or foe, or perhaps the occasional stranger thrown in for good measure.

A few years ago, as I was parking at a grocery store, I happened to notice the person pulling into a space in front of me. As I hopped out of my car, I flashed this elderly gentleman a smile⎯as if to say hello, I notice you are there. He immediately ran around his truck in my direction and said, “Thank you, I needed that smile today.” He proceeded to tell me about his wife being ill and that he had to keep an eye on the young man traveling with him. It all seemed to be such a chore for this elderly gentleman. When he stopped telling me his story I said, “How fortunate for this young man that he has you, and enjoy the rest of your day sir.” I went about doing my grocery shopping. As I was heading down an aisle, I see the elderly gentleman poke his head around the corner at the other end. He ran down the aisle toward me with his young man in tow and said, “Thank you, I hadn’t thought of it that way!”

It just goes to show how just a few simple words of encouragement may gently or not so gently:

• Transform a thought
• Make a difference
• Change an attitude
• Alter a course
• Modify a behavior
• Build confidence
• Adjust a mindset
• Save a life…

This month I plan on highlighting the intention of encouraging others as I wake each morning. Perhaps the moment will present itself at some point in the day, or maybe I’ll pick the person I want to encourage as the intention crosses my mind in the morning. However it happens, a few encouraging words in the right direction just may inspire someone to move in the right direction. Let an encouraging word highlight your day as you help me kick some butt this month.

Kick Butt photo courtesy of teeejayy

One Turkey of a Summer

I say one turkey of a summer, but there are actually five⎯and I’m not talking about relatives or friends. Yes, this was the summer of honest to goodness turkeys⎯as in the bird. My neighbors have had domestic turkeys for the past few years. This year, seven newly hatched poults figured out they could fit through their fence. Mamma turk decided she needed to be with her poults, so over the fence she flew. The seven turks didn’t make it two weeks before predators reduced the number of the brood to three, and months later there are still three. After the two-week brood reduction, one of the other hens decided she should join this new free-ranging family⎯and who could blame her.

I have thoroughly enjoyed watching this odd family of five turkeys gradually pace back and forth through our property. It’s really quite meditative as I watch them. Ah, the “zen” of turkeys! They slowly roam and peck their way along, as if on a grid, “with a cluck-cluck here and a cluck-cluck there,” that even old MacDonald of farm fame would be proud of. I understand chickens aren’t the only cluckers and it’s the male tom turkey who gobbles⎯hmm, who knew.

As I watch the mamma hen, I see how patient and protective she is. My neighbor tells me her first brood did not survive. By free-ranging, she seems to have learned a thing or two⎯become one with her surroundings. Her response to fear, with a dog or coyote literally on her tail, is instinctive and sharp. She reacts when necessary, and then goes back to what it was she was doing, shedding her fears. She truly has captured the meaning of "it is what it is" by dealing with whatever it is and moving on.

This clucking family of five has brought many smiles and hours of zen-filled entertainment. As I move into fall and celebrate one turkey of a summer, I will consider the free-ranging patience I have been reminded of. I will also reflect on the importance of letting go of fear⎯before, during and after whatever "it is" that has caused the disturbance of patience, and thereby peace, in my life. By keeping patience and a sense of peace in front of me, I will be able to become one with my surroundings, wherever I may be.

Summer is over and I am back to my weekly postings. I’ve missed sharing my meanderings with you. Join me as I begin my third year of blogging.

Female Wild Turkey courtesy of Andrea Westmoreland

September: Intend to Set Boundaries

With summer winding down this month, I too need to wind down. This time of the year I have a tendency to try and squeeze in too many things with what time there is left. Last month, by creating an island of calm, I may have let a few things slide. Oops and oh well! The best thing for me this month is to remind myself to set boundaries and focus on that which is most important before summer’s end, and I’m not just talking about work-oriented things but the fun stuff too!

In order for me to be at my best, it is best for me to intentionally create my own boundaries. I will do this by consciously choosing what it is I need and want to do. As I go about each day, I will strive to be an active participant in what it is I do. As with all my intentions, it helps to start the day by planting the seed of intention in my brain. Throughout the rest of the day, I am able to feel my best self take-hold each time I consciously choose my intention.

Setting boundaries, limits, restrictions, or whatever you want to call it, helps me focus and gives me permission to make the best choices for me. How about you? Will you give yourself permission to be an active participant in your life?

Girl in Stripes photo courtesy of D. Sharon Pruitt