Monday, April 11, 2011

I Am Tired

  • I am tired of not feeling well more times in the last year than I can remember.
  • I am tired of telling myself "you go girl" when there is no more go’in to be had.
  • I am tired of doctors and tests.
  • I am tired of pills.
  • I am tired of trying to put a smile on my face.
  • I am tired of searching for something more.
  • I am tired of not getting a good night sleep.
  • I am tired of having restless legs.
  • I am tired of looking at the tired person in the mirror.
  • I am tired of all the gray days we have had.
  • I am tired of the 20 inches of rain we have had since January 1st.
  • I am tired of not being able to eat what I want, when I want.
  • I am tired of not being able to cook the things I love.
  • I am tired of being too tired to workout.
  • I am tired of being tired.
Have you ever had one of those days, day after day? That is how I am feeling today. Let it be known, I have released my inner petulant child! My stable temperament has gone into a yo-yo effect this last year. I can’t seem to go for more than a few weeks without having gut issues.

Over the last few years I have worked hard at becoming my best self and being who I am meant to be no matter what the circumstances are, but this last year has been difficult. We may all learn many things from the struggles of others but it takes our own battle weariness before we truly grow. I know when I feel the fatigue wash over me it is important to not only go from day-to-day but minute-to-minute. I can look, feel and be better a minute from now for it is my choice.

Sometimes I choose to give into the battle fatigue and have a good cry. While the puffy eyes afterwards do not exactly help me feel better, the tears sometimes provide a cleansing and sense of relief. Many times, by letting down and giving into the tears, I have found new meaning to what I may have been searching for. This allows me to move forward once again.

As I made the list above, it felt good to give my inner petulant child a voice. I know we are all tired of something in our lives. When you feel the wash of battle fatigue, it is time to step back and evaluate where it is coming from. Pinpointing it like that may just take the power away from it and give you the answers you need. So…just what are you tired of? Is it time to let your inner petulant child speak?

© Copyright 2011 Michelle Clark